Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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