I showed him my bush... on skype.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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