It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
