GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
