I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
