Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize