She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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