Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
