it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
