he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
