if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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