when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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