Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
