i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize