I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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