Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
