theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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