..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
