I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
