Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
