Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The Olympian is in my bed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
