I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
