Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize