You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
