Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
