YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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