How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Jerry, you need to find god
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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