atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
