I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
