Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
