Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
