In America we eat man semen.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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