If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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