She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
