1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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