I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize