DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
