Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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