pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
