Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
