the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
