I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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