I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
