but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize