i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
