the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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