can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
