mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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