I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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