I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His hands were made for my vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
