I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
