broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
