My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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