I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
