i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
