omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
