I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
