My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
