I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
