i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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