yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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