Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
