please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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