12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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