i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
