just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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