Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
