I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
