Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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