i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
