i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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