I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize