i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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