i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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