My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
