i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
