Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
