Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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