textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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