Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
