I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
