Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
