that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
