how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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