At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
