I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
