remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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