maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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