You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
