broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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