I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
