I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize