My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
