so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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