....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
