would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
