Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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