so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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