Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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