My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize