when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
