I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
