Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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