a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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