Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
