I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
