He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize