this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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