Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i dont even know how to be here
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
