I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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