you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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