i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
