he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
